My insecurities always surface when I am alone and the darkness comes. I don’t like feeling the anxiety that comes with them. I am in hotel rooms at least 4 nights each week so I try to hide myself in activities to avoid the fear that comes each night. I do endless paperwork, play computer games, talk on the phone, and watch TV, write and read trying to busy myself until bedtime. I play the TV all night because the fear of waking to an unexpected sound doesn’t allow me to have silence. I must have light in the room to keep the shadows away.
I don’t let my family or friends know about "my nights" because that would show weakness and that is not acceptable! I like being independent and having insecurities and fear doesn’t exactly fit with independence. The good thing is just as the darkness comes each day so does the light. Strange as it is, I love "my nights" just not when I am alone.
3 comments:
I traveled on the road for years, in rock & roll bands, and while I was with Lucasfilm LTD. -- and believe me, I understand 3:00 AM alone on the road.
I have stayed in hotels that are a bit dicey. You can't even go by name any more. There was a time when Ramada Inn was a quality place, now they are mostly slums. When traveling, it is hard to know what is the "bad" part of town. Hearing gunshots and sirens in the middle of the night are usually signs. I can't imagine what it is like for a woman traveling alone.
Being alone at night is very different than if someone else is there. I sleep much lighter when I'm alone and still can keep myself independent. Nice job!
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