My insecurities always surface when I am alone and the darkness comes. I don’t like feeling the anxiety that comes with them. I am in hotel rooms at least 4 nights each week so I try to hide myself in activities to avoid the fear that comes each night. I do endless paperwork, play computer games, talk on the phone, and watch TV, write and read trying to busy myself until bedtime. I play the TV all night because the fear of waking to an unexpected sound doesn’t allow me to have silence. I must have light in the room to keep the shadows away.
I don’t let my family or friends know about "my nights" because that would show weakness and that is not acceptable! I like being independent and having insecurities and fear doesn’t exactly fit with independence. The good thing is just as the darkness comes each day so does the light. Strange as it is, I love "my nights" just not when I am alone.
