Most of the time I feel they use my willingness to help and guilt to pressure me. The next thing I know I have agreed to commitments that I don’t have time for. When I am “spread so thin” I can’t get my timing right. Either I am late or not prepared when I get there. Either way the end results are not what I wanted……so more guilt.
I have guilt because I travel during the week for work, so I only have the weekends to get everything done at home. Let me tell you it is very hard to maintain a home, get ready for the upcoming week, get reports e-mailed, take your mother out to breakfast on Saturday, see your husband, daughter, son, grandchildren, go to a ballgame and eat Sunday lunch at your mother’s house. And somewhere in all of this, I have to wash my hair, paint my nails and rub a little lotion on my body.
On the outside I am composed, laughing, talking moving through this life of mine,
but on the inside I am fragmented, totally a crazy woman!
And the funny part I am the only one that knows the secret. And now I have told you.
5 comments:
Very heartfelt post. You just reminded me why I live alone and killed off most of my relatives. Oh no, now the cold case people will be calling.
I totally understand the way you feel Redheels. I think we are all holding in a multitude of crazy guilt, regrets, overwhelming households and a lot more. It's wonderful that you've shared this, because it lets us other crazy women know.. we are NOT alone! I think it takes a gutsy, strong woman to put up that calm facade on the outside. hang in there. :)
Some of us are hard-wired for guilt. I know because I'm one of them.
Way too many of us walking through life carrying all that baggage. Realizing that you are doing it is a first step on the road to recovery. I carried mine for so long that I finally collapsed under it's weight. Hopefully you can start putting those weights down. Humor is good but if you use it to keep yourself going still carrying the world on your shoulders, it ultimately fails to work.
I hope you can gently start saying "no" to people. It's ultimately a much better lesson to teach your children than emotional slavery.
Sorry. Climbing down off soapbox. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it as much as everyone else. Excellent post.
Poor you! You are TOO busy, no doubt about it. Is there any way you can slow down? (This advice comes to you free from a fellow Thursday Thirteener, who is also TOO busy, but you notice, is still blogging. This is my creative outlet; what can I say?) :)
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